Rollercoaster Ride

Last year, my husband and I came to the conclusion that our family was complete with three children.  He had surgery to make sure that happened, so as you can guess it was quite a surprise when we found out two weeks ago that I was expecting number four!  It took a bit of adjusting, but we were soon all very excited and anticipating the arrival of the sixth person in our family.  We got out the special baby clothes that I had saved for when my sister started having kids, or for someone special.  The kids argued over whether it was going to be a girl or a boy (Breanna has always wanted a sister, but Levi was quite sure another brother would be quite nice), and they even came up with a few names they liked.

Last week, I knew something was not going right.  On Friday I went to the E.R. because of bleeding, but they didn't seem to think there was much risk, and said to be careful and then come back on Saturday for an ultrasound.  At the ultrasound, they could not see much of a pregnancy- if anything it was weeks behind.  Bleeding was minimal, so they said that was somewhat normal and to follow up with my doctor this week.  On Sunday afternoon my stomach starting cramping up terribly, the bleeding was intense, so we returned to the hospital where they confirmed I was definately loosing the baby.  Mom drove over four hours in the middle of the night to get here to help, and I have been at home resting since. 

I cannot tell you how mixed my emotions have been over the past two weeks.  There is a great peace with it all, knowing that there must be a reason for everything.  However, there is such a loss also.  Knowing that it was so small in the ultrasound helps so much, and from what I have learned from the medical staff; this is far too common of an experience.  Usually it's because there is a chromosome problem, the nurses said that might help a little- knowing your body was trying to do best.  I also know that even if that baby had problems, all of our family would have loved it as much and been as excited as if it were perfectly normal.  But for some reason, it just didn't work.

I was so worried about how the kids would react, but they seem to be taking it quite well.  I was explaining to Breanna how that some ladies have to go thru this so many times, maybe even without ever getting a baby.  She said to me, "Mom, we are so lucky to only have to have one miscarriage."  Levi then piped in "But Mom, it still would be nice to have four kids."  I cannot imagine how devastating this would be if it were my first or even second pregnancy.  Having three loving & healthy children around is so incredibly comforting.  I guess after three perfect pregnancies, it was my turn.  I can so empathise with others that are in this situation now.

I also cannot thank my mother enough for all she's done.  Just being there is the best, and also taking care of my family so I can rest.  It is so hard for me to just sit so much, but if I don't the bleeding gets intense.  She is making meals, doing dishes, washing laundry, dressing children, changing diapers, reading stories, cleaning up messes, doing Breanna's hair and taking her to school, and being so supportive.  I also can't thank our friends enough for all their kindness.  Sue brought over a huge pot of home-made clam chowder and a delicious pie, Rochelle sent a beautiful boquet of flowers, and many have called to offer kind words of encouragement.  And my husband..... he is the best.  Doting on me hand and foot; asking over and over what sounds good to eat, and going to the grocery store to pick out all my favorite snacks for while I'm trying to recover physically.  And he was so helpful while we waited for Grandma to get here, doing everything to keep things running smoothly for the whole family.  When we came home from the hospital the power was out, and stayed out for almost 12 hours- so that was interesting!

I've been doing some hand-quilting on a small project to pass the time, but will have to post pictures later.  Although this was not a planned experience, it sure would have been nice to have some hand-projects sitting around to work on!  =)